NEW CLICHE

Urees Faves/Bests/Moments...of 2006

Best Video of 2006--James is Bringing Sexy Back LMAO!! Thanks Heather!! I cant stop watching it...cracks me up every time!!


Best Album of 2006--Scissor Sisters Ta Dah--I cant get enough of this band!!

Best book read in 2006--The Long Hard Road Out of Hell by: Marilyn Manson--Yeah I realize I'm late in reading this but better late than never, and I'm a procrastinating fool.

Favorite Song of 2006--Making Ladies by : Scissor Sisters--Im ever so curios to meet Cathy Curtis and Barbara Jackson WOOTS!!

Favorite movie of 2006--The Holiday--I thoroughly enjoyed this movie...and its not just cause there was a hot BRIT in it either!!

Most touching TV Moment of 2006--The Saints return to the Dome!! BLESS YOU BOYS!!

Craziest decision of 2006--Follow Scissor Sisters for an entire week to 6 shows next year.

Best discovery of 2006--Calling Long Distance Podcast---They make me laugh like a giddy school girl!! I cant say enough about how much I love these boys!!

Most Memorable interview of 2006--James St. James --If you're a fan and you haven't read it yet...SHAME ON YOU!!! :P

Best messageboard of 2006--James St James of course!!

Most heart wrenching realization of 2006--I need a new job!

Best skill put the test of 2006--Stalking!! lol Mission accomplished with Anderson Copper and Jake Shears!! Hmmm...does the time invested with Steven count?? hmmmm...

Most touching Moment Witnessed in 2006--Gloria reading her long-ass poem to Anderson Cooper. WOOTS to Rachel and Rhonda!!

Saddest moment of 2006--The realization that my grandma is dying.

Favorite pastime of 2006--Blogging!! I love it. Its the perfect outlet!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERY ONE!!!

GOOD JUNK

I have been cleaning out my closets for the past few days. Every few years I have this overwhelming NEED to simplify my life which means THROWING SHIT AWAY!! It is the best feeling ever!! Just kick it all out...PURGE IT!!! Usually this feeling comes about after watching a marathon of Clean Sweep on TLC...but not this time. My apartment began to feel very heavy and I cant handle the weight anymore. That, and its the pending fear that Ill have to move soon. So I guess I figure Id get a head start by disposing of the CRAPPOLA!!

I have happened upon so many items that are extremely blog worthy...should keep me stacked with ideas for quite some time. I found all of my old journals. The most interesting realization is that I never seem to finish a journal...but do I LOVE to start a new journal!!! And the letters!!! OH dear...I have saved EVERY piece of personal mail I have EVER received!! Those are the pieces of time that I cherish so much...snippets of milestones in my life. And the PICTURES!!! I'm a picture whore...and as a former photographer, I HAVE TONS!!!

A few finds:

• The crazy letters that I shared with a former friend our first summer break from college. We missed each other so much that we wrote each other at least once a day, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day! Keep in mind this was before Internet, Instant Messaging, Email, and Cell phones with free long distance. Everyday I would wait at the mailbox for the next envelope to arrive from Rico Suave, or Baywatch Tower #8, or White-Boy Concierge...we were young and dumb! What can I say? :)


• An Easter Bunny pin and a Santa Clause pin that I used to wear to school when I was in first and second grade...I keep them as a symbol that I too once had "the magic." So when I start to feel overly jaded or cynical, I can remember the sweeter more naive times.


• A treasure trove of teeny bopper magazines...OH the memories!!! Young Johnny Depp...and I'm talking before Jack Sparrow for you kiddies. I'm talking about the Jumpstreet days!!! GOD I LOVED that show!!


• A romance novel that I started to write...because ANYONE can write smut!! Just change the characters names and the setting...you could write smut for years and never go hungry again!!


• A strangers journal that I found in my dorm room a long time ago. It was an amazing find! I have always felt a strange connection with this girl and so I never could bring myself to get rid of the journal. Its such an intimate look into her life, and unlike me, she knew how to keep up with a journal.


• A stuffed Elvis! 'Nough said!


• A grocery list written by my grandmother. This one is hard to explain because there is so much emotion behind it. My grandmother is not well. She is bed-ridden, incoherent at times, senile most days, and blissfully unaware that she is dying. This list is in her handwriting. Its from a time when she WAS the person I'm going to remember. And its in her "speak." The way she always called ground meat "grind meat" is documented on this page which is ripped from one of the many small notebooks that she ALWAYS had within reach. And it also represents shared time together because I took her shopping many, MANY times.

Well I'm almost finished with this cleansing routine...a few more trips to Goodwill and a ton more trips to the dumpster and I'll feel quite refreshed!

EDUCATED GUESS

**UPDATED** with answers--thanks for playing along guys!!

I'm GIDDY!! I recently reconnected with someone that attended elementary school with me. Although we never had the same teachers, we share some of the same memories. SO how good are you?? WHERES UREE?? (hint: clicking on the image will enlarge it)

KINDERGARTEN

Wheres Uree? #6

Who did Uree have a Kindergarten crush on? #24 Clay

Who has apparently gone on to become a STACKED model and actor? #11 Jared Day (I have no clue who he is LOL ) Heres his myspace if your interested http://www.myspace.com/mrday

FIRST GRADE

Wheres Uree? #11 and yes V is #12 and Jen is #14

Who does Uree always think of when she sees fat crayons...because he let her borrow his when she didn't have any? #30 Reggie

Who is STILL one of Urees dearest friends? #12 V

Who stood up in the 4th grade and boldly announced to the class "HEY EVERYBODY I'M FONK!" #2 Brandy LMAO Ill never forget it!!

Who was the class clown? #25 J.J.

SECOND GRADE

Where's Uree? #8 I am NOT shitting you LMAO...I HATE this picture!!!

Whose desk did Uree clean out one day because she just COULD NOT STAND to look at the filth anymore?? #30 Wayne

Who is the future class Valedictorian? #2 Brent

Check back for answers...Consider this a test! WOOTS!! LOL

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

There's no place like home! There's no place like home! I am sooo glad to be back home!! WOOTS!!

Thank God the Christmas HOOPLAH is over!! Holidays are rarely "happy" for me. Like I said prior to the holiday, there are things that I like and things that I dislike. Overall, I HATE TRIST-MY-ASS!!! But here's what was cool about it this year. I ate till I was sick!! That's always the best part. Then I napped cause I can never lay off the Tryptophan ! And best of all...the ordeal of exchanging presents was quite painless this year for some reason. Not too many presents going around, which I LOVED!! And get this, my parents didn't even put up a tree. Yes that's what I said...NO TREE! That was a little weird, but I think that's why this Christmas didn't feel like a Christmas. Maybe that's why it was so painless. Could it be that the tree symbolizes everything that I HATE? That sounds absurd...

So anyway to update my findings from last year...Petey is STILL ever so gay!! I so enjoy watching his progression!! Its the best thing since...since...hmmm....since NKOTB!! lol He will make such a great Homo!! He has a sense of style. Hes cute. And he hangs all over his gorgeous sister!! Its so adorable! I'm thoroughly enjoying watching this young chap blossom. It almost makes the holidays worth it. :)

So back to life I go. Hope everyone had a splendid time. Huggz to all!!

PLEASANTLY CONFUSED

written by:©2006UrethraFranklin DONT STEAL MY SHIT!!

Gabe & Jonathan from the hysterical podcast

Calling Long Distance (The ONLY podcast to come from London AND San Francisco AT THE SAME TIME) have been gracious enough to indulge me with one of my insane interviews. THANK YOU SO MUCH BOYS!!

Firstly, thank you SO MUCH, for takin the time to think this stuff up - it kept us up thinkin of answers, they are cute questions.

I just think you 2 are absolutely delightful…and so damn funny!! What made you boys decide to do a podcast?? Keeping up with friends is one thing but publicly broadcasting is another. Because of our gypsy style life previously, we ended up with friends all over the world, so we kind of did it for laughs for our friends, that's why we thought we’d podcast it, but we sort of new once it was out there others could get hold of it. We just never thought of the consequences....

Are you guys making money doing this yet? NO! it costs, but not too much. And for the technologically dumb, as I am, please explain this radio gig you guys have. Is it live? Or is it a broadcast of your podcast? See I’m a moron. Gaydar is live radio, no script, we don't usually know what we will be talking about, they call up every wednesday for us to do the drivetime show in the UK, we usually decide what to say during the preceeding track, then they hit the button!

Gabe What’s your story…30-year-old barrista, in school, and jetting around the world…you living on a trust fund?? I wanna live like that!! You only live once, you have to make the most of it, jobs come and go – and so does credit card debt! YES INDEED!! I could talk your damn ear off about debt. Kudos to you for ignoring it! LOL Its well known that I'm a kindergarten teacher…scary thought I KNOW. But one of the things that initially shocked me about this age group is exactly how many of my students spend rest time with their hands in their pants. LOL So Gabe, do you remember rest time when you were in Kindergarten? Cause I KNOW you would be one of them! The only thing I remember about kindergarten the lady that made us toast with chocolate cake frosting for a snack. I also remember getting in trouble for gluing eyeballs on incorrectly, and that there was a giant blue monster painted on the wall of the bathroom and I remember a kid stealing my blocks, I also remember peeing in the stall toilet and another boy coming in and peeing into the same toilet as me at the same time.

Jonathan I sleep in your shirt!! LOL It makes me feel all warm and slightly British. I could listen to you read the phone book!!! So are the Brits as turned on by the British accent as we Americans are?? Or should I ask the opposite, do Brits think the American accent is sexy? I LOVE the American accent, but some I love more than most, I love southern. MMMMMMMMM so sexy. I love that you live by the seat of your pants. Quit your job, take a vacation…. who cares! I love the carelessness in your approach to living. Tips for me on how to take things in stride? Never plan beyond your next night out, as Abba said; take a chance, and always plan to spend every penny in your pocket when you go out for the night. It’s always fun if you know you gotta earn your ride home-LOL!

I was a psychology major. So lets try some psychotherapy.
Gabe—what is the best thing about Jonathan? That he lives in London, but it feels like he lives around the corner. What is the most evil thing Jonathan has ever done to you? Showed up in Ibiza 10 times thinner than me. What do you predict will be Jonathans answers to those same two questions regarding you? I have no idea what goes on inside that crazy bitches head.

Jonathan—what is the best thing about Gabe? He has exactly the same alcohol tolerance as I do. What is the most evil thing Gabe has ever done to you? He may be about to do something evil, that bitch better not turn up in London thinner than me. What do you predict will be Gabe's answers to those same two questions regarding you? Something weight related no doubt.

Ok boys be honest…anything ever happen between the two of you, on your worst drunken night?? Maybe a lil tongue tango?? I’m convinced you 2 would make beautiful throat babies. NO! NO! and No!!!

Top 10 things that you guys do AT THE SAME TIME. One thing and One thing only, CALLING LONG DISTANCE! Cos Gabe’s on PST and Jonathan’s on GMT!

Most retarded thing you have ever done to get a guys attention? We do stupid walks across busy intersections where there's hot guys in hot cars, works every time. Most evil thing you have ever done to get rid of a guy? Get rid of a guy? Get rid of a guy? You have to have one to get rid of one.

For Shits-and-Giggles…What is your favorite:
Yoga position? Gabe- Upward Dog, Jonathan- Strawberry???
Elvis Presley song? Gabe- Heartbreak Hotel, Jonathan- Did Elvis sing I Feel Love????? Not that I'm aware of...Donna Summer maybe
Part of your own body? Gabe- My legs! Jonathan- My legs are way nicer…
Pick-up line you have ever heard? Used? Both- never been sober enough to remember either.

THANKS AGAIN BOYS!! HAVE A SPLENDID CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEARS!!

Have a super FABBY christmas you! Lots of love from the both of us. Be sure n stay up to date with all the goins on across Xmas!
LOVE JONATHAN & GABE X

Check out their podcast here:www.callinglongdistance.net

Visit their myspace here:http://www.myspace.com/callinglongdistance

Check them out live on Gaydar Radiohttp://www.gaydarradio.com/

Watch their appearance on Ring My Bell...And hear my insanity on the other end of the line...but you guys already know that I need a SHRINK!! LOL



ALL RESPONSES ARE SOLE PROPERTY OF CALLING LONG DISTANCE AND IAMANOXI-MORON. NO RESPONSES SHOULD BE COPIED FOR USE ON OTHER WEBSITES WITHOUT PERMISSION. IF YOU WISH TO LINK THIS SITE ON YOUR WEBSITE, FEEL FREE TO DO SO!

FLAMING HETEROSEXUAL

I love me some Brian Kinney!!!! The next best thing is Gale Harold!!! I guess thats why I named him my #2 Sexiest Man Alive. So I was farting around YouTube and found this interview with Gale. Hes discussing how acting in the nude on the QAF set is a much more "in tuned" experience than acting with his clothes on. What I find the most interesting is how this ADONIS gets a glimmer in his eye and a smirk on his face when he talks about the nude scenes. Aren't most actors usually talking about how "hard" and "uncomfortable" nude scenes are?? I think Gale has found a passion...that he never knew he had!

Shells you inspire me with youre Red Hot Gale Harold of the Day pics...THANKS A BUNCH!!

Oh and by the way, QAF is my OTHER obsession. Life isnt only about the Scissor Sisters. :P

ORGANIZED MESS

I don't know whats more disturbing...this video or ME!!

I admit it!! I LAUGHED!!! But I think I'm laughing at the absurdity of it all. So this Korean "girl-band" is performing on stage and one of them hits the floor with a seizure. What do her band mates, friends, confidants do?? They keep performing around her convulsing body. LOL And whats more disturbing is how their managers (?) ran across stage and carried her off like a sack of potatoes.

Reactions??

I think these girls deserve the moron of the day award because they chose fame over friends...thats wrong, no matter how funny it was :P

SIGHT UNSEEN

A bit of good news coming out of my decadant city of New Orleans...the Streetcar is back on St. Charles Avenue. It isnt back in FULL working order, but as of today its running. We take what we can get around here.

Heres whats weird. I didnt notice that it was missing! Im struggling to understand this oversight. It could be that I dont actually drive down St. Charles Ave. very often. BUT, I do drive down it sometimes...I think I should have noticed. Could it be that I have become so damn use to living in an ILL CITY that it never entered my mind that it wasnt there??

*SLAPS WRIST* Shame on myself!! I hope I dont become immune to my surroundings. That in itself would be tragic!

FAN FATALE

ITS OFFICIAL!!! Guy and I are completely INSANE!! But we're doing it anyway and we don't care!! WOOTS!! Here's the deal. We are both taking a week off from work in March to follow the Scissor Sisters from Chicago to Houston. The itinerary is as follows:

*March 9 Chicago, IL

*March 11 St. Paul, MN

*March 12 St. Louis, MO

*March 13 Kansas City, MO

*March 15 Dallas, TX

*March 16 Houston, TX

*Keeping fingers crossed for a return visit to New Orleans the following weekend.

We have tickets for every venue along the way. Like I said, we are NUTS! But who cares! We just need to figure out how and when we are going to sleep. Biggest goal for the trip: Can we make it on the bus? Hmmm....STAY TUNED!

And check out this cute clip I found of Jake and Del hamming when Del asks Jake to "show them your nuts" after he flashes his titties for the camera. LOL
I love these guys!!

****Rachel, the beans have officially spilled. LOL

FILTHY GORGEOUS

This goes out to Shells. My dear friend...

HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW ????

Meet Mr. Jake Shears. Here he is in all his flaming glory discussing his stripping background, the love of his life (who for some reason can't get him pregnant lol), and the fact that his band probably hasn't broken out in the States because they have COME OUT.

Now meet the SCISSOR SISTERS. Here each members explains what influences they have had that have inspired the band. Dolly Parton is ALL I have to say!! Very interesting indeed!

And if that isn't enough...take a look at Mr. Shears in action as he recieves his bare-ass birthday spanking on stage from THE fag hag, Ana Matronic...with a lovely vagina cake. It doesn't get much gayer than THIS! lol

I could go on and on and on dear...but I wont bore you. I KNOW I'm slightly obsessed.

GOD I think I want him EVEN MORE now!!!!

WOOTS!!

FALSE HOPE

I'm DROWNING in your empty promises!!!

Do you even care??

EXPECTED SURPRISE

I don't care how many times I watch THIS...I crack the fuck up!!!



So I'm wondering what was the ONE GIFT that made me react this way as a child? Hmmm.... Maybe I was excited about a bike. But i don't think I was ever THIS excited. OHHHHH but there was that one time when my brother sent me a card with a crisp $100 bill in it. I was probably 13 at the time...and at a period in my life when a
C-note was HUGE!!!

This year, I think the only thing that would make me react this way would be a phone call from Guy. But if that ever happened I would surely need to be rushed to the hospital for oxygen. Well see if Santa opens my letter in time.

What have you ever gotten to make you react this way? BE HONEST!

STUPID GENIUS

Anyone who really knows me, has heard me speak of my dear friend Troy. I treasure him for sooooo many reasons that I cannot even begin to count them. But most of all I love him for what I like to call

QUIPS FROM TROY

"Its not easy being smart and cute at the same time!"

more QUIPS to come...

MODERN HISTORY

GIVE ME NEW ORLEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!

----------Author Unknown

give me a king cake baby
give me a beignet kiss
give me a french quarter morning that looks like this

give me the endymion krewe
give me the times-picayune
give me a drunk and lazy crawfish boil in muggy sticky June

give me a six pack of dixie
give me some assorted abita beers
give me a city where it only snows once every 10 years

give me a green neutral ground
give me a mardi gras ball
give me a medium rare burger at my grand old Port of Call

give me a glittery drag show
give me the streetcar line
give me the House of the Rising Sun
give me a Tchoupitoulas sign

give me a shrimp and oyster poboy
give me lovebug season in May
give me my New Orleans-
I will definitely stay.

58 percent of Americans think New Orleans should not be rebuilt... These 58 percent of Americans can go FUCK themselves!!

WAR GAMES

What are our troops asking for this Christmas season? SILLY STRING! But its not to play around. Apparently the military has discovered a very worthwhile use for the frequent party guest. Silly String can be used to detect rigged entryways.

Soldiers spray the string from a distance into a doorway. If the string falls to the floor, its safe to walk thru. If the string hangs or gets caught midair...its rigged.

This is AMAZING!!

Marcelle Shriver is collecting donations to send as many cans of Silly String as she can to the troops. The problem is that its considered a hazardous material. So shes having to hire a private plane to bring it over. Don't worry, they aren't scammers. The guys bringing it over are retired military and are still working by making several trips to and from Iraq doing this kind of thing. So if you want to learn how you can help out email Marcelle at ron101anb@comcast.com .

SPEED BUMP

I got ANOTHER fucking ticket yesterday!! GRRRRR! They all piss me off...even tho I sorta deserve them all. But this one REALLY PISSED me off!! He didn't have to pull me over!!! He could have kept minding his own damn business!! I wasn't bothering anyone...no one was near me!! SO WHAT!! I was doing 80 in a 65!! WHO CARES!!! I wasn't pushing 120. I wasn't tailgating a cop! I wasn't tailgating ANYONE for that matter. I wasn't weaving in and out of traffic. I wasn't being reckless. I was simply on an OPEN fucking HIGHWAY!! Did I mention I was by myself...not a car near me! AND he was on the other side of the highway so he had to cut across the neutral ground and catch me before he could pull me over. THE CUNT!

THEN, the bastard has the NERVE to get on his intercom and ask me to exit my vehicle!! WHAT THE FUCK?? I have never been asked to exit my vehicle before...this concerned me cause my poor dog was in the car. She was already shaking like a leaf cause she knew that stopping on the highway is never normal. So he asked me for my license, registration, and proof of insurance...the normal routine. Then asks me to wait in my car. He proceeds to take his SWEET OLE TIME writing this ticket. The whole time my poor dog is pacing and shaking. And I'm hoping and praying that when he comes to my car, she wont get nuts on his ass. She didn't. She was too afraid to do anything. So anyway I signed it...I have to call the number to find out how much money I'm gonna lose this time.

Maybe this is a sign to stop driving like a moron? hmmmm...

CHRISTMAS PARTY

I have not tried to hide the fact that I hate Christmas. I REALLY, REALLY hate it! This season is like Chinese water torture to me.

Heres what I HATE about Christmas:

Parking Lots--It is IMPOSSIBLE to pull into a mall or any store for that matter without a near brawl amongst drivers for a place to park. YIKES!

Store Aisles--If youre lucky enough to find a place to park, then you have to brave the insane people that are clumped together INSIDE the damn place. It's imopssible to move sometimes.

Long Lines--Do you REALLY need those items in your hand? If the answer is yes I hope you brought a tent and a comfortable pillow cause youre gonna be a while.

Commercialization--Christmas has become its own Corporation. It begins before Thanksgiving now, and I REFUSE to take part in that early insanity. Cant we get thru the thankful part of the year before we act like Devils to get the last PS3?

The Devil--Listen to me good people! Nothing brings the DEVIL out of people like Christmas!! I worked retail several years ago and somehow I survived my first Christmas season. I vowed that I would be out of there before the next. Luckily, I was able to achieve that goal.

Presents--I know this will sound INSANE, but I hate exchanging presents! I have a hard enough time keeping my place clean. Now, I have to find a place for more shit. But I suck it up and participate for the sake of harmony.

Family Gatherings--This one is a double edged sword. I hate it and I like it. I hate it because I see some people that I cant stand. We sit around a table and pretend to like each other for a few hours and catch up on whats going on...like we care! *sighs*

Energized Kids--During the holiday season, my students become electrified zombies. They are energized and hyperactive to the point of accomplishing little to nothing in their studies. Its a force that is extremely difficult to deal with on a professional level.

The Class Christmas Party--Oh dear God this could be a blog all on its own! May I get on my soap box for just one damn second? Schools were designed to be institutions of LEARNING! Not PARTYING! Yet if we dont have a class party, we become the ASSHOLES! These parties make me fucking insane! Everyone shows up! You know!! The parents that you have been BEGGING to come sit with you for a conference because little Johnny doesnt know SHIT! They wont return your calls or come meet with you for the sake of their child's education...BUT theyll come eat your cake and drink your punch for the fucking party! THEM!! Those assholes!! And then of course, because Mommy and Daddy are there, your students think they can act amock and do whatever the hell they want to do, destroy the classroom, run around, scream and yell, because they think I wont correct them in front of their parents. WRONG!! Trust me when I say I have a very effective "teacher look." I can stare down the most insane child and get a cowering response. WOOTS! OK off my soap box...where was I? Oh yeah I hate the damn Class party.

Now so you dont think I'm a complete asshole...

Here's what a LIKE about Christmas:

Scents-- I love the smells of Christmas. Cinnamon, hazelnut, hot cocoa, mint, cookies baking. *deep inhaling breath* THATS WHAT I LOVE!

Food--I LOVE my food. So a feast is right up my alley.

Lifetime Christmas Movies-- I KNOW! Its seems very weird that I would HATE Christmas but LOVE these movies. But I DO! I think they are the BEST!!

Rudolph--I have to watch the Rankin Bass Production of Rudolph every year or I'll die!

Family Gatherings--I see people that I only see once a year; the ones that I actually LOVE! There ARE a few of them. But not many!

***So I guess when all is considered, there is a WEE little bit of Cindy Loo Who inside of me? But NOT much!

CRIMINAL JUSTICE

I just love dumb ass criminal stories. They make my heart sing with glee. Makes me feel so much better about myself cause I know how big of a fucktard I can be sometimes.

But this guy takes the cake.

"When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had."

First of all, I have NEVER understood the concept of siphoning gas. Who in their right minds would suck in a mouthfull of gasoline just to start the line? OMG!! And to make a mistake and suck in SEWAGE WASTE!! OMG!! This guy deserves it alright!! He gets the Moron of the Day Award!

BITTER SWEET

Why do the people we care about the most always hurt us the most?

POLITICALLY CORRECT

Im fed up with politcal correctness! Ever wonder what political correctness does to our kids? Heres your chance to find out...easily offended leave you shit at the door!

Today Santa Clause came to school to take pictures with my students. So they were all extremly excited and preoccupied with DA MAN! Anway, picture it: the trouble maker, never listens, always tattles JUST to get someone else in trouble for a change, musters up in the MOST whiny, annoying "tattle-tale" voice you could EVER imagine,

"Ms. Franklin, Cassie said Santa is FAT!"

To conclude his statement, he looked at me with that look. You know the one. The one that says, "Go get her! FUSS HER GOOD"

I simply looked at him and said sternly,

"Santa IS fat."

Then we all had a good chuckle...see they can handle things just fine. :)

NAUGHTY SANTA

Anyone who really knows me, KNOWS how much I HATE Christmas. I HATE it, HATE it, HATE it. Is that clear enough for you guys?

BUT...

This goes way too far!!!! Apparently, Austria has banned Santa Clause from its elementary school classrooms because they claim they don't want children to get confused about accepting gifts from a stranger *rolls eyes*. Even I have boundaries to my disdain! This is pure INSANITY! One of the few good moments that I actually enjoy about teaching is the excitement that my students bring into the classroom during the holidays. They make me WANT to enjoy the holiday. Whether I do or not is a whole other blog.

But the point is this...kids are kids!! Let them be kids!! They will only be kids for a very short time because innocence is lost earlier and earlier these days. Let them have their Santa Clause. FUCK POLITICAL CORRECTNESS!! Its nauseating. If you don't like Santa Clause...block your chimney and bar your door!!! Don't shit on everyone else's fun!!

And while were discussing this...I don't care that Rudolph isn't an original reindeer from Santa's "real" team!! Rudolph ROCKS MY PANTS!! So don't even go there!!! YA HEARD!!

HOLLYWOOD FRIENDS

I confess. I looked at the Britney crotch shots! I had to know once and for all if celebrity PUD looked any different from regular-girl PUD. Guess what? PUD is PUD!! Its ugly, misshaped, and soooo...unappealing. What do you hetero boys see in it? Never mind! I don't wanna know!

So anyway, I was kinda surprised that Brit Brit and Paris were actually hanging out. DO they have anything in common other than the fact that they both top my list of most annoying, undeserving, over-paid, talentless, blond bimbos in the world? Nope. Cant think of one thing, y'all. I give this friend-hook-up about 2 weeks.

On to other news: Brangelina has taken up a make shift home in New Orleans. Apparently Brad is filming a movie here. Don't ask! I will NOT be stalking these 2. Ten years ago YES! I would have calculated every move and found Brad OR Angie at any and all costs. I would have had bail money set aside in my quest. But you see times have changed.

Once upon a time. there was a beautiful, charming, thoughtful, well-mannered, grounded, SEXY mo-fo known as Brad Pitt. I would have done 10-30 years in Angola for him. I actually did my best to find him when he was filming Interview With The Vampire. But he was less known then and blended into the stench of my decadent city too easily. As time went on, he grew more popular, landing leading roles, earning more money, growing further and further away from the natural beauty that he had once been.

Around the same time that his fame was growing, there was a beautiful woman, an up-and-comer by the name of Angelina Jolie. She was stunning, controversial, talented, literate, and liked to make-out with her brother (which is kinda cool...in a weird fearless kinda way). Then she grew INSIDE. Growing inside is wonderful, don't get me wrong. But there has to be a limit. When you grow so much that you get preachy I have a problem. *coughs* Stephen Baldwin *coughs*

Then these two souls collided and molded themselves into BRANGELINA. God help the world! *Rolls eyes* I guess they are gonna lead the world to safety or something. As a couple, I find them nauseating. I cant be the only one. Can I? I joked with a friend last night that they are probably living in a FEMA trailer just for the experience...so they can be DOWN with the people! *vomits*

Here's where I get contradictory. Honestly, I hate that I'm so cynical about people that try to do good in this capacity. They have the money, the clout, the media spotlight, so why not? Shouldn't they do it? I guess. But do they have to be sooooo fucking annoying about it?? JEEZ!

ILL HEALTH

WORLD AIDS DAY
Friday, December 1, 2006

"It is bad enough that people are dying of AIDS, but no one should die of ignorance." --Elizabeth Taylor

I remember learning about AIDS when I was a kid. I learned about it because Ryan White put a face to this disease that had previously been dubbed "the gay-mans disease." See where moronic thinking gets us? Currently, it is estimated that 39.5 million people are living with HIV/AIDS worldwide. Its not "their" disease. Its OUR disease!

You can donate money.
You can donate time.
You can spread awareness.
You can be safe.
You can offer hugs for support.
You can love someone infected.
You can...
You CAN!!

Stop AIDS: Keep the Promise
CDC fact sheet
AIDS Action: Until Its Over
The QUILT

STUDY BREAK

Mark Twain once said, "I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."

To that I say FUCKIN 'A!! And I'm a teacher...

So I warned you to expect the random on this blog. I intend to randomly post utterly quotable quotes from MY STUDENTS.

Let me set the scene. We could be in class, in transition from point A to point B, sitting quietly for a clearly defined purpose, deep in thought about the theme of the week, or sharing our writing activities, when out of the blue, out of left field, with no rhyme or reason comes the thing that was SO IMPORTANT that everything had to be interrupted, pushed to the side, neglected, thrown out the window because...

"Ms. Franklin, my Uncle Ronnie was Mr. America."

More STUDY BREAKS to come...

SEXIEST MAN...ALIVE

Sure there can be a "sexiest man" alive. So why am I claiming it should be an oxi-moron? Because when People magazine chooses George Clooney as their Sexiest Man Alive, it is obviously an oxi-moron. WTF? I cant be the only one that doesn't GET IT!! George Clooney? WHY? Were they really tired on the day of the big executive "sexiest man alive meeting?" Did they run out of time and pick names out of a hat? Did George's people call their people and say "do us a favor." I see this as a challenge...find appropriate choices that they could have honored, and make sure they are sexier than their Sexiest Man Alive. Easy Peasy Japaneasy!

UREE's Top Ten List of Sexiest Men Alive...

1. JOHNNY DEPP--THE SEXIEST LONG TERM MAN ALIVE
I shouldn't have to explain this obvious choice but Ill do him justice...cause he deserves it. I have been in love with Johnny since I was 15. Yep that means we have been "together" for 17 years. And you thought I wasn't capable of a long term relationship...TSK TSK. He and I have outlasted Brit Brit and Fed-Ex, Reese and Ryan, Tom and Nicole, and Brad and Jenn. What we have is REAL...and will NEVER die! I remember the first time I saw him...he was being sucked into a bed...ahhhh love at first sight.

2. GALE HAROLD--THE SEXIEST GAY/NOT GAY ALIVE
He makes my inner gay man HARD!! OMG I can watch this man

make out with men all day long! 'Nough said!

3. JAKE SHEARS--THE SEXIEST SISTER ALIVE
Hes hot. Hes flamboyant. Hes a lyrical genius. Hes literate!! *swoons* He can dance his ass off. And he likes to strip down on stage. Could we ask for anything more? Maybe one more show in New Orleans...

4. SEAN WILLIAM SCOTT--THE SEXIEST DUMB-ASS ALIVE
OK so hes not really a dumb ass but he plays such a good one in the movies. I became smitten with him when he spoke so lovingly about his nephews on MTV. Awe...Uncle Stiffler!

5. ANDERSON COOPER--THE SEXIEST DANGER SEEKER ALIVE
Affectionately called "The Coop," Anderson reports from the edge of hell more times than not. He likes to antagonize death...and its fucking sexy!! Oh and lets not forget how he keeps politicians in their damn place! Stay safe dear.

6. CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY--SEXIEST WB ALUM ALIVE
I fell for Chad when he fell for Joey on Dawson's Creek. I admit it; I still take a dive into the Creek whenever I can. Can you blame me...PACEY!!! Oops I got sidetracked...CHAD stole my heart again as the bad-ass-don't-mess-with-my-dumb-sister-hero of House of Wax. He was too damn hott in that movie to be ignored!

7. RYAN PHILLIPPE--SEXIEST CHEATER ALIVE
So he broke Reese's heart? Hes still HOTTER than a fresh fucked fox in a forest fire! Id like him to have Cruel Intentions with me...

8. SETH GREEN--SEXIEST GUY YOU ALWAYS FORGET ABOUT ALIVE
Hes hott, there's no denying it! Hes short, red headed, quick tongued and plays an AMAZING James St. James...HOTTTTTT!!

9. LELAND CHAPMAN--SEXIEST BOUNTY HUNTER ALIVE
Honey I think I'm gonna go get a warrant for my arrest in Hawaii just so he can kick my door in...I'm just sayin!

10. JAKE RYAN--SEXIEST TIMELESS MAN ALIVE
We all loved him in Sixteen Candles. All us teen girls had moist panties when we saw his hott lil red car outside that church...then he kissed Molly Ringwald on the table over the cake . *swoons* Hope they didn't burn themselves...YIKES!

11. NICK SIMMONS--SEXIEST BOY TO WATCH ALIVE
Hes the son of Gene Simmons. I cant explain what it is about this kid, but hes HOTT. I love the way he carries himself. Hes confidant, grounded, funny, talented...not at all pompous or arrogant. And most importantly hes easily cuter than his dad EVER was.

There you have it...at least 11 other candidates for the honor of SEXIEST MAN ALIVE. I think this easily makes People Magazine the winner of the Moron of the Day Award!