I'M SO CONFUSED!!!!

FRIENDLY DIVORCE

A word of advice...

DRIED CUM WILL NEVER STICK LIKE GLUE!

So with that remember...

CONSISTENT UNCERTAINTIES

You'll never know how I feel.

KEPT SECRET

12/09/2007

The day Uree's secret was posted!

RANDOM LOGIC

A Really Long List of Totally Random Things About Uree...

READ IT BITCHES!

I wish I was a gay man...ok just had to get that one out of the way.

I have difficulty trusting people.

I remember my dreams, which are in color, and I have been known to keep a dream journal in the past because I like trying to interpret my dreams.

I have no tattoos but have always wanted one!! I will one day.

As a child, I was deathly afraid of fire. I was convinced that our home would burn down while we were in it -so I was scared to be at home at night time —it was an awful time for me.

I think I'm a good cook, although I tend to cook the same things over and over again.

I don’t understand why Citizen Kane and his damn rose-bud were sooooooo fucking brilliant.

I have a brain tumor.

When the ice cream truck would come around my neighborhood I would always get either pineapple sherbet or a screwball.

I love my family intensely and I could never leave South LA b/c of them.

I tend to remain extremely private…almost to a fault.

I hate feet, they are horrid, keep them away!

I am fiercely loyal to my friends. And I will defend them to the death.

Although I consider myself to be a safe drive, I have a lead foot and do drive rather fast.

As a child I was either permanently attached to my skates or my big wheel. I once skated 12 hours for Jerry’s Kids. Hes my hero by the way!! LAAAAAADDDDYYY!!

When I was about 12 years old, a kid named Scott punched me square in the face cause I called him out on something—he didn’t like it too much.

OOOOO here’s a good one::: my stripper name would be Cocoa Goode (silent e).

My biggest pet peeve is people spitting in public,especially on the sidewalk—it's disgusting!!!

I love Horror movies. Especially psychological thriller types.

I usually look people in the eyes when I talk to them.

I cannot dance to save my life—and I'm quite envious of people that can cut a rug!

I’m incredibly tickelish—and I HATE it!! The only time I ever thought I was going to die was while being tickled.

I don’t do drugs—never have. Wish I did...but I still wont.

I believe that a series of events or circumstances cause certain intersections in time that become life defining moments in people’s lives---aka fate.

I buy alot of books but I tend to not read them---I just like to be surrounded by books.

Wanna see me melt?? Massage my hands!!

When I was a young tot my dad would rub my feet all the time. It was the only way he could get me to shut the hell up. I distinctly remember one night we were out at a restaurant and I was screaming my fool-head off about something so my dad took me to the car so everyone else could eat in peace. He took my shoes off, put both my feet in his hand, and commenced rubbing. I promptly shut up!

I speak to my dog in this voice that tends to annoy people but I don’t care b/c she knows I love her.

I believe that strawberry Icees are a pure slice of heaven.

I wanna be a dolphin when I grow up.

I'm afraid to lose people that are close to me.

I like to nap daily when I’m on vacation.

I don’t always know how to take a compliment.

I could eat mashed potatoes everyday for the rest of my life!

I tend to question peoples motives--part of that trust issue.

I absolutely love to people watch in various environments. My favorite is to go to a toy aisle and watch little Susie explain to Mommy why she absolutely HAS to have THAT toy. Kids can be quite entertaining at times.

Although I do eat some vegetables I sometimes think of myself as a meatatarian.

In my heart I truly believe that the cruelest form of retaliation is to ignore a friend.

I attended catholic school from K-12 then a Jesuit university. Faith has been a struggle for me especially over the past 10 years or so. I question things and have been left feeling kind of sad by my religion. I’m not a practicing Catholic, but I still believe that I have Faith in certain aspects of Catholicism.

I question whether or not I am capable of sharing half of myself with another person.

I value my independence.

I have some relatives that make my skin crawl.

I don’t care for swimming too much.

I think every house should have a porch with a swing and a rocker on it.

I once stole a toilet seat cover and toilet paper from Graceland. I just love Elvis!!

If I may sound cliche for a moment--the happiest place on earth is Disneyworld. Pluto is my favorite Disney character.

I trust my gut instincts.

The theme song for unsolved mysteries creeps me the fuck out.

I think Jerry Springer kills brain cells quicker than crack.

I don’t like to be touched when I’m sick, I don’t like my bed to be touched when I’m sick, I don’t like to be talked to when I’m sick.

And this one can be filed under TMI...When I vomit I put a towel over my eyes and nose and flush as quickly as possible--I cannot handle seeing vomit.

I prefer to be without shoes on my feet.

My lucky number is 4.

I have a birthmark that looks like a really small 3rd nipple just under my left breast.

I twirl my hair incessantly.

I have a tendency to pay my bills late b/c I hate dealing with them.

York bites are the best candy ever invented.

I’m afraid to go into bank lobbies.

I think manicures are torture---cutting out cuticles-OUCH!!! I had a really bad pedicure once so I’m biased—doctor visits, antibiotics, and toe nails growing off. EWWWW.

I don’t twist Oreos--I bite into them.

I know its gross--but when prevoked, I can out belch any frat boy on his worse drunken night.

I love the smell of rain.

I hate it when fuckers think its HOT to blast their fucking bass out of there car like it’s the best damn song on earth, when in actuality you cant hear the fucking song cause the bass is so damn loud you're forced to listen to your car rattle and shake.

I think I use cyber speak too much—LOL

I wish I was a musician—not in the fame sense, but in the ability to create songs thru an instrument.

High School was horrible for me---I think I was suicidal back then—but I never tried to kill myself—so maybe I wasn’t---see how confused I am about High School??

Speaking of High School—my guidance counselor is a constant source of motivation for me---When he asked me where I wanted to go to college and I told him Loyola, he laughed in my face then asked me to consider in "REALITY" where I would go. I just think of his face and somehow a fire is lit under my ass!!

I'm currently listening to Everybody Hurts by REM.

I secretly wish I was an alcoholic...they seem like they have way more fun.

I use to schedule my classes around my soap operas---I don’t watch them anymore---tooooo mind numbing!

I really LOVE to blog...when I have something to say.

POSITIVELY WRONG

UH-HEM...

What the fuck is THIS??

"The Ultimate Cheesy-Ballad Playlist
Journey's ''Don't Stop Believing.'' The most shameful part is that it's on my ''Super Duper Motivation'' playlist for the days I need inspiration to finish a run. —Karen"

Karen can EAT MY SHIT!! She obviously hasnt had Sammy Jo play Dont Stop Believin for HER!!!! CHUNT!!

BLISSFUL IGNORANCE

Because I love how naive I was in this moment...or stupid, I don't know which. And I'm choosing to remember the good times with the ASSHOLE!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

UPDATED 11/30/07

WOW post

HAPPY FREAK-MAS

I have some rather interesting news. I don't HATE Christmas anymore. I mean I don't LOVE it either but I'm not walking around like I just fucked the Grinch. Its an interesting feeling. I'm usually the Scroogy bitch all thru the holidays. But something is different this year. I'm not stressed out!! Alla-freaking-luiah. So anyway I EVEN BOUGHT AN X-MAS TREE!! Can you believe it? I havent put a tree up in probably 10 years. BUT, I couldn't resist. I saw this pink feather Christmas tree in the store the other day and it so reminded me of DRAG QUEEN VOMIT. You know what I mean...if a drag queen would vomit a Christmas tree THIS would be THE TREE! lol SO I was inspired and I decorated a FREAK SHOW tree.

Crazy? definitely But so cute!! The tree topper is a tiara. The bulbs are pink purple and green. The garland is made of purple beads...anal beads? hmmmm.... There are purple glittery pontsettais. And the best part are the Scarlett letter Fs. I adore my tree. And it also reminds me how badly I need therapy. So happy holidays everyone.

VICTIMLESS CRIME

SO I wanted to make this wonderful post about my traumatic experience in a parking garage the other day. A post complete with music to give the complete FEEL just for effect. SO let me set the stage...I was heading to my car which was on the third level of my favorite place on Earth, a parking garage. As I ascended the steps in the stairwell, I had a very uneasy feeling as I usually do in those types of places. I kept looking ahead, up and behind me. Everyone knows the Boogie Man likes to play in parking garages! And then I heard exactly what you never want to hear in this situation...FOOT STEPS. And then around the corner comes HIM! The Buffalo Bill look alike. You remember this guy right? "I'd fuck me." "It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again." "DON'T HURT MY DOG YOU BITCH!" Yeah THAT GUY!. So of course when I get out of the stair well I spend more time looking behind me than I do looking ahead of me as I walk to my car. And EVERYONE knows that when you look behind you that's when something happens. Well nothing happened but the whole time I could hear "Goodbye Horse" playing, and I could hear Precious barking at me as I screamed from inside the pit. Well, the song is on the play list I made.

Long story short...I couldn't remember how to make the one song widget so I had to make the long ass widget. Now I see how depressed I am.
These are prolly my all time favorite songs in life. If you only choose one to listen to, make it GOODBYE HORSES!

You may shower me with huggz and kisses now...or if you'd prefer to flick off Guy, Id take that too.

If the damn player doesnt work...try clicking here to listen or read my play list. Once on the page click on the green PLAY icon.

OLD NEWS

BIG BOPPER??

I think everyone knows I have this INSANE collection of teeny bopper magazines from the late 80's. Its quite a collection, Ill tell you that right now. I was on the hunt for THE CROTCH SHOT to end all crotch shots. I feel all dirrty now like one of those weirdos on the SS message board that literally talk about Jake Shear's crotch ALL DAY!! Anyhoo...Shelly does a phenomenal job of writing her Crotch Watch blog. SO on the search I went for that damn picture. Its a picture of Johnny Depp with his leg propped up on a motorcycle and his LENGTH is beyond massive. As a wee teeny bopper girl, I was down right mesmerized by the BULGE in his pants!!! OH-EM-GEE!!!

Well I couldn't find THE picture but I found this one which might be from the same photo shoot. The clothes look similar but he didn't have the head-band in the one I was looking for...

I laughed for hours as I turned the pages of these magazines. I felt compelled to package a few to send to James St. James. He will kackle like a school girl when he sees them!

What I found so interesting was the innocence of that time for those rising stars. Can you guess the celebs??It was PRE: boob jobs, boob reductions, anorexia, Parkinson's disease, convulsive deaths on the Viper Room floor, fame!! OH and it was all before the New Kids On The Block invasion. I still feel like THEY ruined teeny bopper magazines!

There' my find...my hidden treasure...my "secret in the closet."

RESTLESS SLEEP

SAD SMILE

This is prolly the best way to let everyone know that my grandma passed this morning.

Rest in Peace sweet lady.

Ill be in touch at some point. Love you guys.

BITTERSWEET

I NEVER thought it would be THIS HARD! Telling my students good-bye was the hardest thing I have EVER done in my entire life. I have been crying for 2 days straight. Looking into their eyes as I gave them the news was horrible. I cried...they cried...we hugged and shared tissues. I am heartbroken.

But I am a big believer in signs and on my way home today, amidst the tears and rain, I spotted 2 rainbows across the river. So something tells me everything will be OK.

I start my new job on Monday. Hopefully I'll have a smile to share by then.

EDUCATED GUESS

I have to get something off of my chest...and its not my tits so don't get excited!
I have just had the hardest week of my teaching career and I have HAD IT UP TO HERE!!

If you ever thought you wanted to be a teacher...YOU DON'T!
If you ever thought you would impact young lives...YOU WONT!

Teaching is a career that is on a sinking ship to NO WHERE!
Let me tell you why...

Long gone are the days of a classroom filled with kids who...
KNOW HOW TO LISTEN!
Long gone are the days of a classroom filled with kids who...
KNOW HOW TO SIT STILL!
Long gone are the days of a classroom filled with kids who...
KNOW HOW TO FOLLOW A DIRECTION!
Long gone are the days of a classroom filled with kids who...
WANT TO LEARN!
And long gone are the days when...
PARENTS respected the teacher!

Classrooms are filled with kids who are the product of parents who have replaced "common respect and decency training" with "defensive attitudes and excuses training."

I am FED UP with parents who make excuses for their kids because they don't want to accept the truth. I am FED UP with parents who cant seem to ever believe that their spawn of Satan is anything less than an angel. I am FED UP with parents who refuse to believe that their child is capable of lying!

I think parents should be required to substitute in their child's class for ONE DAY so they can see what really goes on...
I think parents should be FINED every time their child has to be suspended...
I think parents SHOULD PARENT instead of working to make their kids LIKE them...

Message to parents...

YOUR CHILD'S TEACHER IS NOT WORKING AGAINST YOU!!!!!! If he/she says your child is a dipshit then YOUR CHILD IS A DIPSHIT!!!!!! ACCEPT IT and try to fix the problem!!!!! Teachers have NO REASON, NOTHING TO GAIN by telling you this information. We don't get raises if we torment parents!!!! Do you think WE LIKE to have these conversations with you?? I assure WE LOATH THEM!!!!!!!!!!!! SO GET OFF YOUR ASS AND PARENT YOUR CHILD!!!!

WISE FOOL

FINALLY!! I am in the right frame of mind to express my GLEE over my weekend in Dallas with all of my friends and James St. James. Where to start?? It was a weekend that superseded my wildest expectations. I never thought in a million years this weekend would top my Scissor Sister journey...BUT IT DID!!

I think the thing that struck me the most was watching the JSJ ideology in action. You know what I'm talking about right? We've all heard the quotes a million and one times.

"Don't dream it, BE IT."
"If you have a hunchback, THROW A LITTLE GLITTER ON IT honey and go dancing."

Watching THAT unfold in front of my eyes really made an impression on me. And doesn't it make sooo much sense?? Our mantra for the weekend was "Fuck it we'll NEVER see these people again!" And so we lived it.
We had the time of our lives. A nonstop party from the time we got there, till the time we left. I had even forgotten that my car broke down 8 minutes into our journey. I didn't care...I was having too much fun.

SO what were the highlights?

• I met cyber friends that I have known for years...they are now flesh friends, with strong cyber ties. :) I love you Shelly, Alexis, and Crystal.


• I was given a JSJ injection that was AMAZING and came at just the right time.


• I got my picture with SAMMY JO's back!!!! *breathe uree*


• I met "people" that I suspected were cunts...and guess what? My gut is still undefeated.


• I realized that I need to find a way to lead a more FUN life. Life is too short to be miserable.

And before I end, I am compelled to share how delightful and gracious James is. He is a class act! Buy FREAK SHOW!!!

SADLY BEAUTIFUL

Sorry I haven't blogged yet about my fabulous weekend in Dallas. Since I have been home, Ive been very pre-occupied with my dear granny who is refusing to depart her shell of a body. Although my mother never shielded me from death and I took my morbid interest in death a bit further by studying "death and dying" in college, I have never actually watched someone go thru the process of dying. Its been a roller coaster of emotions. I am blessed to have been with her when the priest read her "Last Rites." It is to be the final shared moment between us. It was a perfect triangle of the priest, my granny, and myself. No one else will know the BEAUTY of that moment. It was the first time in 11 years that I have prayed.
My wish for her is to depart to a place where she will be free to do the things that she loves the most, the things she has been unable to do for so many years. She will be able to WALK again. She will be able to EAT again, the food she loved so dearly. She will be able to DRINK a cold glass of ice water. She will be able to HEAR again. And most importantly she will be able to SEE, HUG, HOLD, KISS the person she has longed to be with for 33 years...my grandfather. So let go sweet woman. Run to your new home. Enjoy every second of every moment. And promise to greet me when it is my turn. Have a fresh pot of white beans ready so we can catch up...when the time is right.

FREE PRISONER

I'm home for the weekend. THANK GOD!! I even have my beautiful vertically challenged baby with me. I missed her so damn much. I have covered her in kisses for the past 2 days. I think shes had enough of me already cause she looks at me with that look, you know the one that says "when can I go back to Granny's house?" So to everyone that kept in touch with me, tried to keep in touch with me, commented my blog, emailed me, messaged my myspace, sent me positive energy, and shouted me out on their podcast...THANK YOU!! I ADORE YOU!!! And to that one particular person who has YET to make any attempt...FUCK YOU!!!

OK now to the business of blogging...so many things to mention so I think Ill cover one per post...so scroll up. :)

HOSPITAL FOOD

Just checking in to let everyone know Im alive. Living in a hospital room is TORTURE!! Im so bored beyond belief!!!! This room is amazing tho...looks like a hotel room. BUT the flatscreen TV has no remote and there is no internet available. SO I sit, I read, I listen to my iPod. Thats about it. Jealous much?? I didnt think so.

Im heading back now so call my cell phone. PLEASE call my cell phone...its my only life line.

HUGGZ

UNWELCOME RECESS

**UPDATE**

• I got out of jury duty!!! WOOTS!!
• I'm leaving for Baton Rouge today...NO computer access!! Someone remind me how we existed before the Internet?? OK I think Ill manage but it will be hard. Maybe I'll look at it like rehab?? Hmmmm....
• Call my cell phone bitches cause I'm not gonna be home.
• And if anyone by some strange stoke of luck just happens to run into that mother fucker GUY...give him a swift kick in the nuts for ME!!

MISS YOU GUYS ALREADY! MWAH!

UNBIASED NEWS REPORT

MY DAY IN A NUT SHELL

• My aunt drove me crazy with last minute preparations for my extended stay with her in the hospital.
• I'm way too hot in an apartment that has had the AC running constantly.
• I keep getting headaches for no apparent reason.
• My soon-to-be EX-best friend is still ignoring phone calls cause apparently hes dug himself into a grave that hes too scared to try to climb out of... *rolls eyes*
• I think I may have looked into my grandmothers eyes for the last time...call it a gut feeling.
• And the cherry on top of the cake?? I just got a jury duty summons. Ask me for when. GO AHEAD!! ASK ME FOR WHEN!! You guessed it...the day I was suppose to leave for Dallas for the only true fun thing I had planned this summer.

Who wants to do me the ultimate favor and just fucking kill me NOW!!!!